The subtitle of this blog wouldn’t be “a writer’s journey” if this thing were easy, now would it?
I’ve hit a milestone: 20+ query rejections for my current manuscript. I feel like it’s a little taboo to talk about this while I’m still in the query trenches. Most authors I’ve seen write about their query trials and tribulations do so once they’re agented, acquired, and published, with debut novel in hand. After all, the narrative of persistence is persuasive.
But then again, I wasn’t following most of my favorite authors before they were published… And I’m here now, living the struggle. So I’m going to write about it. Decision made. Let’s DO THIS.
Part 1: How We Got Here
So: 20 rejections. Passes, as I’ve started labeling them in my custom color coded and sorted excel spreadsheet. Pass sounds better than rejection, but the end is the same.
Hindsight being 20/20, I queried too soon. But it’s easy to see that now. My adult fantasy is a CHONKER, now, at 175K, but the first draft I queried was 204K (I KNOW. Over writer. Too long. Adult epic fantasy debut maxes out at 120K words. Well, maybe not, but we’ll save that for another blog post I should probably never write.) But I felt like I was ready! The two queries I sent at 204K were really tests. A proving ground to show myself I could compose a (probably horrible) query letter and press “send.” The polite “not for me, but keep me in mind” pass I received from one of my initial queries filled me with hope.
Part 2: See? This thing is possible.
So then I dove into edits. Gave my book to beta readers (hi friends! If you’re reading this…) The second round of queries went out in July 2020. I’d cut down to 193K. I was proud of my book at this length. I’ve spent my reading life reading chonkers. Maybe someone would take a chance despite the length. In September and November 2020, I sent out queries after receiving likes in #PitMad. Through idle whittling, I’d cut to 186K. With each editing pass, my book felt leaner and meaner. After each revision, the thought, “well I can’t possibly cut more!” was the loudest voice in my editing brain.
By January 2021, I’d sent 9 queries and received 7 rejections. I didn’t expect to hear from the other two, it’d been months. I made a promise to myself to send out another round of queries, this one featuring agents with high response rates, using QueryTracker‘s statistics. My thought was to workshop my query letter, more than anything. By querying agents who seemed like a good fit for my book and had a good track record of response, I was hoping for some sort of hint of where my query was failing.
One more editing pass would cut my word count to 180K, and then between February and March 2021, I send an additional 14 queries. The final two included a title change and another cut to 175K words. Where we sit now.
Part 3: Found Wanting
In the end, all queries received rejections, all form letters, some very polite, but no clues as to where my query was found wanting.
But [insert author] took 50, 60, 70, 100 queries until they got their first yes! KEEP GOING.
How do you keep going when you have no idea where the road is? Academically I know there are options for progress. If it is my query letter holding me back, there are resources (paid and not-paid) to get help. If it’s my first pages, same deal. If it’s the word count? Rofl. But we cut from 204K (actually 219K) to 175K, so maybe a random insight will inch us close and closer to a “reasonable length” ??? Or maybe I’m just not querying the right people. Or maybe I should change the title again or maybe — do you see the trap here?
Each query sent now, when I’m not sure of anything, feels like an opportunity lost. So I’m scared of querying again in a ‘not actually ready’ status, as you could argue I’ve been in this whole time. So instead?
Maybe it’s time to write something different.
I do have a few WIPs dancing in my head. Most of the ideas I want to write revolve around the sequel to the book I’m querying, which feels like a Sisyphean endeavor. One would be a brand new world, with a main character I am not sure I’m prepared to write. One would be a different genre, with a premise I don’t feel qualified to write. (See the pattern?)
Maybe you’re just not cut out for this, after all. Maybe you should give up.
It shouldn’t surprise anyone when I say this voice is the loudest. After all, I’ve given up on writing before. You could almost say it’s the thing I know how to do best. A reliable fall back.
Part 4: Now What?
I don’t know. If you came to this post for a hopeful ending, I don’t have one yet. Unlike William in A Knight’s Tale, I’m still trudging through the muck of the query trenches. I’m not sure what my next steps will be, or when I’ll feel motivated to take then. If I’ll feel motivated to take them.
I’d love to think in a month or two I’ll be able to turn the tables on this dour tale. I’ll wax poetic about how I’m in love with my novel again, how I’m querying with confidence, how I’m writing new things, how I’m hopeful and have found a way forward. But the truth is I don’t know that. I hope I feel inspired to take a fresh look at my manuscript and work the problem. For now though? I’m not ready to get back on the horse.
Until next time,
-M